Just Don't.

A little over ten years ago, I saw a sign for an upcoming brewery that said "If you like beer, apply here!" So I did.  Little did I know, a decade later, I'd still be tending bar at that same brewery.  I had other career intentions at the time... I was taking the prerequisite courses for the Nursing Program at my local community college, which was super hard to get into, so I decided to also take the courses for the Medical Assisting Program as a backup in case I couldn't get into the Nursing Program.  I was young, ambitious, and I (thought I) knew what I wanted.  

All of that changed when I was introduced to the Service Industry.

Now, I'm not saying I'm proud of where I am.  I'm also not saying that I'm embarrassed to be where I am.  I believe that working in the service industry is something that every human being should experience at least once in their lifetime.  I believe that it takes a special kind of person to do this job.  It's not meant for everyone, and I've watched a lot of people come and go.  I've seen workers walk out in the middle of a shift.  I've seen incompetent servers work their way up to management.  I've seen servers cry in the walk-in because they can't handle the Saturday night rush.  I've seen coworkers form friendships, relationships, marriages, and breakups... Yep.  I've seen it all.  But, in all the craziness of the "behind the scenes" bullshit, the things I've seen on the other side of the bar BY FAR take the cake.  

Keep in mind, servers and bartenders deal with the general public.  We communicate face-to-face EVERYDAY with lawyers, teachers, contractors, doctors, nurses, students, stay-at-home-moms, millennials, construction workers, electricians, plumbers, retired vets, and literally just about everyone.  I mean, think about it... do you know anyone who hasn't been to a restaurant?  Nope.

That being said, there's a few things (actually, there's a really long list but it would be a 198 page blog post) that reeeally get under my skin.  I'm talking make-my-blood-boil type shit that I just feel like the general public needs to know about.  So, here's my [concentrated] list of things to just not do:

#1: Stop asking so many god damn questions.

Look, unless you're a regular and confident about your friendship with your bartender, stop asking so many frickin questions!  "Is it always this slow in here?" "How's business?"  "Is this your only job?"  

My response:  DOES IT REALLY MATTER?!  Why do you care if it's always this slow, or maybe just this particular Tuesday at 2:00 it's dead?  Business sucks lately and I'm having a hard time paying my bills, but come this weekend I'll make more money than you do in a week with my back-to-back doubles.  YES this is my only job, being a sever or bartender doesn't have to be side gig... it absolutely CAN be a full time job.  I understand some people just want to make conversation, but please for the love of god stop asking personal questions that refer to our job choices or how much money we make.  It's none of your business.

#2:  Don't flirt with your bartender.

I get it, there are a lot of attractive women and men who work in the service industry.  However, just because your bartender is cute and being nice to you DOESN'T mean they want to sleep with you.  HELLO?!  We work for tips, and we're all about customer service.  We're sincerely just being nice.  I know this day and age it's hard to remember that word... N-I-C-E.  Nice.  A synonym for kind.  I'm not jumping aboard the whole #metoo movement, but I've had some really inappropriate things said to me, and I've been touched and grabbed more times than I can count.  Hell, I even had a 55+ year old man straight up try to kiss me on the lips after he had 3 too many Louis Martini Cabernet's...WHILE I'M WORKING.  It's not like I was off the clock and having some drinks with the regulars... I was literally carrying a tray of drinks in my work uniform and apron.  GROSS!  Anyway, if you think your bartender or server is into you, they'll let you know.  Otherwise, please just let us do our job.

#3:  Don't tell me to smile.

Uuuugggghhhh this has to be one of my BIGGEST pet peeves.  I'm busy, I'm in work mode, I'm concentrating.  If you tell me I need to smile, I swear to God steam will start coming out of my ears.  Are you smiling while you're writing emails or dealing with clients?  No?  Why not?  BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SOME KIND OF FRICKIN PSYCHO.  That's why.  No one walks around smiling all day long.  I've got 3 tables' food orders in my head, 2 others are asking for their checks, I need to get ranch for table 27, refills for tables 17 and 15, beers are dying in the well for everyone and my manager is yelling for hands on expo.  If you don't understand all of that lingo, then DON'T TELL ME TO SMILE.  And if you do understand all of that, then you understand why I'm not smiling.  I'm not angry, I'm just working.

#4:  Common Courtesy

This is a big one.  You'd think it would come naturally, but no.  It never fails, every single day this scenario happens:

Me: "Hey, how are you doing today?"

Guest:  "DIET COKE."

Okay.  Let's go back to the original question "HOW ARE YOU TODAY BECAUSE I WAS GREAT BEFORE YOU DECIDED TO BE A TOTAL DICK."  Did we all forget common courtesy?  When asked how you are, you should respond with however you are feeling.  "Fine," "great," or even "I'm horrible and thinking about driving my car straight into the bay but first I'd love a diet coke" is a sufficient answer.  As long as we're not insanely busy, most of us are actually good listeners.  You wanna talk?  Let's talk!  When I'm ready.  Let me get you started first and let's feel it out from there.  Just please mind your manners. 

And on that note, don't ignore your server or bartender!  I can't tell you how many times I've walked up to greet a table at a lunch business meeting only to be completely ignored.  People will literally just carry on their conversations as if I didn't even exist.  Um, if you don't want to be bothered, there's a Panera Bread right across the street.  Walk your busy little ass over there and converse about this year's projections or what you heard Karen say in the break room.  Apparently I'm wasting your time, and you're a waste of mine.  Bye.

#5:  Don't be afraid to ask for more time.

If you're not ready to order, JUST TELL ME.  If I'm busy and I walk up to your table and ask if you're ready and you say yes, I expect you to spit out your order to me right then and there.  What I don't want, is this:

Me: "You guys ready to order?"

Guest #1:  "Yes!  Honey, what are you having?"

Guest #2:  "Well,  I was thinking this salad but if you're going to get a salad then maybe I'll get this burger..."

Guest #1:  "Oh!  Well if you're going to get that burger then I can just steal some of your fries!"

Guest #2:  "What makes you think I'm sharing my fries??"

*They both laugh and look at me.  I stand with my pen and pad in hand*

Me:  "Let me know when you're ready."

I get it, I'm super indecisive myself and when my husband and I go out to eat we always sync our meals together.  However, if you haven't made a solid decision then DO NOT TELL ME YOU'RE READY.  I have a lot of things to do, even if it doesn't look that way to you.  I need to bus my tables, pre-drop condiments and silverware, refill drinks, and ring in orders.  What I don't need, is to waste my time standing here while the newlyweds banter over who gets what.  

As i said, this is a very concentrated list.  I just feel as if there are a lot of things the general public doesn't consider when going out to eat.  I could go on and on and on, but who wants to hear that??  Maybe I'll just put it all in a book one day...

--