The Big Decision
Having one child leads to the same question everyday:
"When are you having another one?!"
Actually, let me re-word that. It leads to more of a "suggestion" than a question, like:
"Time for another one!"
"Well you CAN'T let him be an only child," or
"He needs a sibling!"
So let's start with problem numero uno:
What if I had a hard time getting pregnant in the first place? What if I tried and tried to successfully carry a baby and it was practically a miracle that this one even made it to full-term? I thank my lucky stars that I had a healthy and easy pregnancy, but my heart really goes out to those who weren't as fortunate and have to explain themselves to everyone who has an opinion.
Problem number two:
Maybe I just don't want another. I know, I know, it sounds selfish. But hear me out: Kids are a lot of work... like a lot. My son, while I love every little bit of him to pieces, hasn't exactly been the easiest child. Since day one, he's fought sleep like a champ, throws epic temper tantrums, and he cries about EVERY.THING. He's been my greatest reward and my biggest challenge at the same time. He's now at the oh-so-wonderful age of 3 and a half and he's, uhh... well, kind of a jerk. He's stubborn and strong-willed and incredibly bossy! We finally got him fully potty trained and out of diapers... do I really want to start all over again??
I often try to weigh the pro's and cons of having another child... like:
Pro: He'll have someone to play with and maybe he'll leave me alone for 3 seconds.
Con: By the time the baby is old enough to even play with him he'll be 5 and want nothing to do with a one year old...
Pro: When we go on family vacations, he'll have a friend to do everything with!
Con: The cost of flying 4 people versus 3...
Con: Childcare for 2 is more expensive than childcare for one.
Con: Childcare for 2 is harder to find than childcare for one.
Con: What if the second one is as hard as the first one?
Con: PRESCHOOL ISN'T CHEAP.
Feeling my drift?
In all honesty, this is a decision I'm really struggling with. I was never one of those moms that thought "I definitely want another one" immediately after having my first. And maybe that's normal, but I feel like every mom I've talked to immediately knew they were going to have another. Sometimes I feel guilty for the way I feel but then again, I'm perfectly content with our little family of three... right now. Don't get me wrong, not every thought I have on this topic is negative. I often picture my son as a big brother and it really makes my heart happy. It's an internal battle and my mind changes daily. All it takes is one cute video of a newborn baby and a golden retriever cuddling and I'm practically ready to rip out my IUD and get prego ASAP.
Perhaps one day I'll get my shit together and figure out what I want. Until then, all I ask is for everyone to just stop with the questions and comments and pressure to do what society tells us is the "right way" to do things, and maybe just support each other in our decisions to do whats best for ourselves.
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"When are you having another one?!"
Actually, let me re-word that. It leads to more of a "suggestion" than a question, like:
"Time for another one!"
"Well you CAN'T let him be an only child," or
"He needs a sibling!"
So let's start with problem numero uno:
What if I had a hard time getting pregnant in the first place? What if I tried and tried to successfully carry a baby and it was practically a miracle that this one even made it to full-term? I thank my lucky stars that I had a healthy and easy pregnancy, but my heart really goes out to those who weren't as fortunate and have to explain themselves to everyone who has an opinion.
Problem number two:
Maybe I just don't want another. I know, I know, it sounds selfish. But hear me out: Kids are a lot of work... like a lot. My son, while I love every little bit of him to pieces, hasn't exactly been the easiest child. Since day one, he's fought sleep like a champ, throws epic temper tantrums, and he cries about EVERY.THING. He's been my greatest reward and my biggest challenge at the same time. He's now at the oh-so-wonderful age of 3 and a half and he's, uhh... well, kind of a jerk. He's stubborn and strong-willed and incredibly bossy! We finally got him fully potty trained and out of diapers... do I really want to start all over again??
I often try to weigh the pro's and cons of having another child... like:
Pro: He'll have someone to play with and maybe he'll leave me alone for 3 seconds.
Con: By the time the baby is old enough to even play with him he'll be 5 and want nothing to do with a one year old...
Pro: When we go on family vacations, he'll have a friend to do everything with!
Con: The cost of flying 4 people versus 3...
Con: Childcare for 2 is more expensive than childcare for one.
Con: Childcare for 2 is harder to find than childcare for one.
Con: What if the second one is as hard as the first one?
Con: PRESCHOOL ISN'T CHEAP.
Feeling my drift?
In all honesty, this is a decision I'm really struggling with. I was never one of those moms that thought "I definitely want another one" immediately after having my first. And maybe that's normal, but I feel like every mom I've talked to immediately knew they were going to have another. Sometimes I feel guilty for the way I feel but then again, I'm perfectly content with our little family of three... right now. Don't get me wrong, not every thought I have on this topic is negative. I often picture my son as a big brother and it really makes my heart happy. It's an internal battle and my mind changes daily. All it takes is one cute video of a newborn baby and a golden retriever cuddling and I'm practically ready to rip out my IUD and get prego ASAP.
Perhaps one day I'll get my shit together and figure out what I want. Until then, all I ask is for everyone to just stop with the questions and comments and pressure to do what society tells us is the "right way" to do things, and maybe just support each other in our decisions to do whats best for ourselves.
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